Elephants! (By Guy!)

This morning we had to get up early and skip breakfast, after going to sleep very late last night fighting frustrating WiFi, to catch our van to the Baanchang Elephant Park. We are using the Internet to plan our trip on the fly, which takes us at least an hour or two every evening. We did check out, leave our bags in their safekeeping, and go down to the Duangtawan breakfast, which looked very nice, but could only grab a few things before getting the call to go out.

The elephant park was wonderful. They basically run a rehabilitation center for elephants rescued from circus, logging, street begging, and tour work, and they teach guests about elephant care. Our guide, Aof, was insistent on not hiding anything from the tourists, and explained that they use elephant hooks and chains in a limited fashion to control the elephants and for safety concerns. The elephants can't roam everywhere because they'd destroy property, and they may get panicked from helicopters or fireworks and stampede. If they do that while you're riding them, Aof advised to hang on until they calm down and stop. As soon as we arrived they gave us blue uniforms to wear so the elephants would recognize us as mahouts (elephant trainers.) But I noticed many of the real mahouts don't wear those clothes exactly.

First we got to feed the elephants bunches of bananas (the "medium" sized Thai bananas which are smaller than Western bananas, but fatter and with thinner skin, adds Leia, our resident banana expert.) You feed an elephant by putting the banana into her trunk from below, or, if the elephant is lazy, sometimes directly into her mouth. Some of these elephants were quite the beggars, and insisted on asking for bananas whenever you walked by them. They can smell well, so hiding them in pockets doesn't help. Leia got barred by a trunk and mugged by an elephant trying to feed another behind it. We also fed them handfuls of sugar cane, at least three canes at a time (otherwise they think it's a toothpick.) All of these are nothing but treats for the elephants, who eat mainly grasses and banana leaves. We tried to make sure to feed each elephant. The guide took us to feed one in particular who put his trunk around my neck and gave "elephant kisses" with it, then did the same for everyone else, the tramp!

After feeding them, we ate some Pad-Thai and curry for lunch, but at my table only I ate the spicy curry. Then we rested in hammocks for about 40 minutes while the mahouts had their lunch.

Then it was time for training. We learned four commands: "Nonlong" - sit, "Pai" - go, "How" - stop, and "Quay" - turn. The direction of turning is indicated by kicking the opposite ear when mounted, that is left ear to go right, or the hook or rope when walking by the elephant, which we did not do. You have to use a firm loud voice when commanding an elephant, or they won't take you seriously. We also learned how to mount a seated elephant bareback by holding on to the top of the ears until they stand up, then resting hands on their head for balance. Two elephants: an adult female and a 9-year-old boy, were our teachers. Leia and I volunteered to be the first to learn to ride an elephant, and they were very patient teachers. I rode the adult and steered her around trees. Then she kept trying to steal bananas directly from the basket even though many guests offered them to her.

Aof, our guide, assigned us elephants based on his guesses as to our temperament. Our elephant was named Mae Tong, she was 41 years old and the biggest, fiestiest, least cooperative of the group. We rode last with me on the neck steering and Leia behind, and Mae Tong kept stopping to eat plants at the side. She was always hungry! I think she was annoyed with me for saying "Pai" all the time, or maybe for mispronouncing her name, or resting my hands too heavily on her head at the start, because she didn't really listen to me. She still kept flapping her ears though or putting them back, which they tell me is a sign of friendship, so maybe she was just playful and willful. She trumpeted when her mahout threatened her with the hook, or hit her with the blunt part of it to spur her on. When we stopped about a third of the way through to switch places, her mahout took Mae Tong to the jungle for a couple of minutes to blow off steam. Aof explained that Mae Tong used to carry a wooden basket of tourists on her back several times a day, and she arrived at the elephant camp very sick and weak so she could barely stand. They had to keep her in a sling and feed her intravenously for a while. Leia drove her for the rest of the time and she was much calmer then, even listening sometimes when we told her to stop eating and turn. Leia said she just spoke the elephant's language and had a special connection with Mae Tong. Mae Tong liked it when I stroked her back, because she flapped her ears whenever I did. Riding bareback on the elephant's neck is much more comfortable than on her back, because further back you feel every movement of her spine or shoulders.

At the end of the ride, maybe an hour, we stopped at a water reservoir, dismounted and stretched, and the mahouts rode the elephants into the water and lay them down. Then we could come into the water and wash and scrub the elephants, who gave us a shower in turn. Leia got quite wet. It was a great fun experience. We enjoyed the interaction with the elephants, who were absolutely adorable.

When we moved out of Duangtawan I realized I forgot my passports in the room safe and Leia forgot her shoes, but they found them all for us when I asked at the reception. Before even going to check in we went across the street to give our dirty clothes to a laundry service that is run by a friendly lady-boy who also runs a travel agency from the same place (she is a woman of many talents.) She asked us where we will be staying, and when we said the name of our new hotel "Nap" she told us that it is just upstairs. Turns out our new hotel is literally across the street from our old hotel, at 1,000 baht a night cheaper, score! The hotel turned out to be nice and clean, and the staff were more accommodating: they insisted on carrying our luggage and showing us to the room. We were given a small room on the 4th floor.

We then went out to the tailor, where I finished my fitting. Leia mocked me for wanting the jacket to look the same but feel different. It was a little tight around the shoulders, but looks nice. The shirt was okay now. They say it is supposed to choke me to death if I button the top button. It was late when we finished there so we had dinner at a mediocre Thai diner next door. I had a plate of mushrooms with four prawns, Leia had prawns deep fried with garlic. We had fruit juices (orange for Leia, dragonfruit for me) that were nice but I think watered down with lots of ice.

We went to a Ladyboy Cabaret in the night market, which Leia enjoyed more than I did. It was very loud and the venue was small, so I moved back a table. The ticket price included one drink, and we each had cocktails: mine was called a "Blue Chiangmai" and was mostly blue curacao and pineapple. The waitresses were all (obvious) lady-boys, and there was one particularly big and mannish lady-boy in a fluffy dress and sash going around taking pictures kissing people, then demanding a tip. The show was really funny. There was one lady-boy who looked just like Jennifer Lopez. At one point she gave people in the first few rows lap-dances. The choice of songs was nice, if classic drag show fare. An interesting duet "One Man Woman / One Woman Man" was one sung by a person dressed as half man half woman. Perhaps our favorite was an critical anthropological deconstruction of the cultural and social acceptability of exposed nipples by gender, expressed through the medium of burlesque. There was a number where the lady-boys kidnapped a young man from the audience up to the stage to partially strip and molest him, and press-ganged him into their lady-boy cabaret. It was funny and he was a good sport. We left after that, just before the closing numbers, but still too late to find an open massage place.

Walking back to our hotel through the night market, Leia bought some leather wallets shaped like animals, and we got some snacks. I ate a whole grilled squid, and Leia had a couple of large prawns. We tried to haggle with some other sellers but couldn't find many acceptable deals.